its been a blustery weekend, one filled with much fun &laughs! heh.
YF was great, with a video filled with all the pictures from YF, celebration of small Sam my acting protege's 14th (man, he's still so young la!),pool session after a 2week drought wit bear &jeff.

Saturday was work, after which a mini-birthday celebration for crystal(16) then singspiration leading workshop, then Gavin's 22nd celebration in church, with a 1hr pool game wit bear &stanley. hurhur.
quit swimming training- cant go for the following sessions, and i will be joining NP band which practices fall on saturdays..so sigh. one less form of exercise, but i can always go gymming &jogging!

was thinking that since ive committed myself to the music ministry in church for doing percussion in the church's orchestra &drums for service, i want to continue honing my mediocre skills. next up, i wanna learn the guitar too. will get godpa to teach me! hurhur.

Sunday started at 7am for me. Congrats to Weijia/lynette/wenyao/wenjuin/joan/lydia/jeremy/benjamin/jean on their baptism! Its a new chapter in your spiritual walk with God, and i pray that all of you will stay strong in Him &lead your lives a testimony for Him. (:
Super long day, yesterday was. Sunday school after that, and my class walked over to KAP macs. no class! yay. had to rush back for service (again) to set up my drums &mike. feared a screwy worship- all hymns. ^^; and some hymns...the chairman didnt know how to sing them though he chose them. bah. but pulled through la, thank God. After service, handbells. after handbells, pool (again), town awhile, back home. sorry to bore you with the details but ohwell.

damn tomorrow a new engineer will be joining the company, and she'll be taking over my desk. which has the computer. i'll be moving to a desk at a korner.. :( so i wont be online so much anymore. 2weeks!! urgh. the company's wireless lan-enabled, but i DONT HAVE MY FREAKING LAPTOP YET!!! :(
gah.

Looking forward to tomorrow though.. (:

anyhow, sorry for the long post again, but yeah. YF peeps can continue reading (if you managed to read till here) cos the Lock-in Nite's 'Survivor' rap's up next. :)

survivor
this is e lock-in nite's survivor rap Pas wes asked me to do! heh. nothing special, but gimme yer comments/suggestions pls!!

Lock-in nite last year wasnt at all a bore
So this year we are back again with fun &games galore
Mark the 23rd or 24th right now in your calendar
And get ready to experience a different meaning of claustrophobia
Lock-in's aint no asking you to come relac one korner
cos after coming you wont feel like doing that, im sure
unless you really dont wanna join us to be a Survivor
the measly five bucks you are paying will be worth every dollar
Fun and fellowship and not forgetting God our Father
this year's lock-in nite is gonna be one that's like no other
12 whole hours of challenges will leave you dead beat
But to be a Survivor for God is surely no lesser a feat
So come join us now if you think you can handle the heat
Hey what are you waiting for, sitting there, staring at us all?
sign up now and dont miss out on this blast and so much more!

wah piang eh.
who's that?? -points to the box at the bottom right hand korner of the screen.
yeah, im as konfused as a mat trying to find a korner in a round room.
No offense to the mat who has a barcode pate sitting across from me whom im trying to count the number of lines on his head now, but yeah.
im honestly FREAKED.
The 'Hugs' thingie on the top right hand korner numbers have jumped a hundred plus can?
When no one has given a shit about it...it was a miserable 12?
somemore some of them i klik meself cos i was trying it out in e beginning.

I havent been socializing, no siree.
&i believe that no one who hasnt seen me for awhile remembers me.
apart from readers of my blog, but no-
who will fall in love wit my writing?! wah lau eh.
kannot be my colleagues mah. All those who have a computer are female can.
&married/attached/old can.
-looks around warily.

to the person who left that tag: i BEG you, DONT do that again!
Dont dee siao my broken/still mending heart.
not funny can.

Check IP? Almost SAMA as mine!!
How kan?! How does the IP thing work?
i cant relac one korner la.
too freaked.

hurhurhur.
this is fun to make fun of.
konfused?
i dont kare la bleah`

spoiler
ok, so my laptop collection date is not tomorrow anymore.
stupid toshiba called me up and told me a reason
i cant remember.
bah.
-
If you are reading this BEFORE AmericanIdol3 is shown on Ch5
and you DONT wanna know the result YET,
move your mouse to the top right hand side of this screen
and click on the 'x' button over there.
if not, read on.







DIANA DEGARMO HAS WON.............










THE 1ST RUNNER-UP POSITION IN AMERICA IDOL 3.


wahahaa.
Fantasia Barrino is the winner!
Yep. though my heart is slightly inclined towards a Diana win,
im not really bothered by the result.
Not as bothered as the Clay/Ruben one.
These 2 finalists didnt manage to capture my heart like Clay did.
I dont really feel the 'hype' surrounding them
or their 'idol' x-factor, which makes them worth me gushing over.

VIVIEN SOON. you spoiler! ):
like last year, i forced myself to stay away from anything which has the results, cos i wanted to wait for the finale to know.
My sister blurted the winner out last year, much to my agony.
This year, vivien had it on her msn nick!!!!!
gah. i dont want to see also accidentally saw.
bah, bah, BAH.
But since i dont really care about this year's AMI,
i dont feel the heartache as much.
ohwell.

After seeing what myself and some loved ones around me are going through, i've come to recognise how everyone's troubles actually bring out the fact that there is no one who is disencumbered from problems, one form or another.
Also, its so easy to take things in life for granted that one seldom realises how lucky one actually is.

Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you;
cry, and you cry alone.

perhaps this saying isnt wholly true afterall. more for the 2nd part, that is.

More than 100 people in the world die every day; more than 20 couples break-up every day. more than 15 people go bankrupt everyday;more than 25 lose their job every day. more than 30 teenagers quarrel with their parents every day, more than 40 people get into an accident every day, and at least 3 people will feel something warm trickling down their neck while walking in an open field, so perhaps we should stop complaining how 'sway' we are whenever we run into difficulties or setbacks, or have bird droppings in our hair.

Because we arent suffering alone.

So many other people around us either have broken families, financial difficulties, hungry stomachs- i guess its time that we actually give thanks and appreciate everything we now have.
Such comfort we have, all provided to us. What we want is almost always given at our request. The average Singaporean in Africa will be deemed a rich man.

And here we are (me included), complaining that we do not have enough money to spend or that our parents are unreasonable. What about those who do not have the financial ability that we have? Those who dont have parents to care for them? Those who dont even have a roof over their heads? If you fall into any of the above mentioned categories, just think about how others, whom you know or do not know, are worse off than you. You will seem more appreciative of what you have which they do not.
Yes, we can have financial problems, family quarrels, heartbreaks- but the mentality that these troubles spell the end of the world or are unsolvable should be gotten rid of.
So i say, when we cry, we certainly do not cry alone. There's always someone experiencing the same difficulties as you, or someone in the same predicament as you, maybe in an even worse state. There's no such thing as 'worst' i guess.

Everyone has someone at his or her side to turn to, be it friends, family or religion. Turn to them. Cherish them, appreciate their presence, though temporal. Always search for the silver lining, no matter how dark or intimidating the clouds look. Almost nothing in this world cannot be solved. It all depends on your determination to get out of that predicament and thus make life easier, and your outlook on life.

Ive learnt to take things easier, though difficult. God has always been there for me, and im so thankful for that. And ive made it a point to cherish those who have been there for me too.

Have you appreciated your life yet?

i can get my laptop this friday!
this friday!
this friday!
not next next monday!
friday!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

now all blog addresses are:

http://www.envisage-.blogspot.com

you cant get into any blog if the 'www.' is still there.
had re-adjust all the addies in my template. bah.

just received $406.82 from the secretary.
am rather freaked....i asked her why suddenly give me, she said cos my uncle likes me. ^^'
duh! hurhur.
told my 6th aunt, she said that she did bring up the issue to the secretary, whom i observed is rather close to her. she said that perhaps the secretary felt that it was principles which compelled her to bring this up to my uncle cos my aunt did mention my request for this not to be said to my uncle. so i actually get 1.5k/mth without the minusing of MCs/late!
am i revealing to much? hah.
gah. so i dont know if i should switch jobs.
i need the money more..but sticking to this boring job is well, boring.
*
i know- im starting to feel cynical towards everything.
my observations of people are getting more and more negative.
i've found my comfort zone; my nest.
people whom i can trust my life with, which i never did find before-
and now im sorta not willing to leave it.
that explains my slightly-less-than-enthusiastic attitude towards starting masscomm.
bah, humbug. i worry too much.

but i gotta worry for my bro too. he's deviating from our faith..the worldly distractions has caught up with him already. not saying that i'm a super uber hardcore Christian, but i just feel that he's drifting. doesnt even go for sunday school now, just goes to church at 11.30 cos he has to play the piano for the youth choir.

and im worrying for papa jeff &his papers. never doubted his abilities, but just afraid of his over-studying, that it may backfire. choy! but if it means that he's super well prepared, can only pray that he answers well. heh.

and im worrying for myself, my relationship with my family. home's like a hotel now, and my mom naturally aint happy at all. said last night that she wants to give me 10strokes of cane b4 she can sleep in peace cos i skipped meeting my grandma for dinner and reached home pretty late. my bro also didnt go can. bah.

and im worrying....that im worrying so much. i should have no worries now but yeah, im worrying. so now im ranting on this stupid blog which i guess is an outlet for you to read my stupid thoughts.
congrats if you'd manage to read till here! no prizes though.

anw. its scary to be close someone whom is so alike in character with you that you can identify with that person in almost every situation. you know why that person reacts in that particular way, you know why that person feels this way etc.
cos you yourself feel/behave that way.
i feel as though im talking to myself sometimes whenever i talk to him.
scary.....but having a soulmate's cool. (:

random rants. gah.

p.s. my blog turned 1yr old yest. (:

ok ive decided.
tomorrow im going for e walk-in interview!
i will earn more $ than in here, and i will be less boreeed.
need to do some PR-related shit, if not i think im gonna become a recluse soon.

shucks man, had stuff to blog about but it all slipped my mind.
gah. forget it.

dor\\HEH. wah lau you say lidat of course everyone who sees what you said will ask you for e story mah! purposely rite you. hurhurhur :D
rojak\\yep good we have diff taste. then you wont fight wit me for him! whahaha.
disclaimer: i dont like him la. just eyecandy &impressed. heh.
vivien\\yah la! dom should be ashamed. x= bwahaha`
grace\\heLLOo!!

am at rose's!!
rose, say hi!

Rose: HI!!

heh just finished swimming at her place wit doreen and leon.
hurhur poor guy, kinda left out of our girltalk.

jump vs punj yesterday was great fun!
great fellowship, great games, great food
heh. great eyecandy! ellihurhurhurhurot. :D :D :D
gentleman sia! but abit too gentleman for my liking.
heh heh heh.
my muscles are kinda aching now.

COOKIN' was impressive..
especially the REAL knives part. its wonder their fingers are still intact la.
a few laughs, quite entertaining overall.
gavin dom(thanks again!!) kelvin jean rose me.
rose: not bad la, but there wasnt really a climax i guess.
ok, that's it. im joining NP BAND.
i miss perc!! argh. the beat thing really made me gian for band again. ahaha.

internet's boring actually.
apart from reading blogs, friendster, there's nothing else to do alr.
sigh..WORK tml. got good mind to change alr.

job lobang!
dont tell you where, but its a restaurant in town with a payout of 6.50/hr.
should i switch jobs? it'll be more fufilling and less boring, let alone so much more pay.
but sch's starting in slightly more than a month..
perhaps i'll work here till next fri?
still must go for interview. gah.
will discuss it wit my parents soon.

anw, cookin' is in 2+hrs time!
cant wait man. but so freaking rushed, dont even have time for a proper meal i think. ahwell.
jump vs punj lata too, and my ankle's not very good no thanks to yesterday's tough match against the asurites. gah.
but us levities put on a great fight yeah? (:

i feel bad affecting those around me with my stupid moodswings. sorry to those who hadnt a clue why my face was blacker than ngeeann's field at 7pm. will try to keep my mood in check! hurhur.

__nic\\hey thanks girl, sorry if i'd scared you or anything last night but yeah, im ok alr (: hope you can join us more yeah? cya soon! (:

im going nuts in the office no thanks to macadamia nuts&chocolate it has made me high and im jumping around and joking with everyone else cos the MD is not in but the GM is but whocares the atmosphere is so relaxed cos the admins assistant who keeps walking past me and makes me paranoid about using the computer is not here today cos she's as sick as i am a month before which caused me to lose 4 days of pay or $400 (laughs hysterically+sarcastically-yes,im not over it yet but im not bothering to ask for money already bah) and lala there's YF sports later and my shoulder is hurting and i sense my impending dislocated shoulder but whocares whocares whocares ahaha no one does cos im rambling over here and if you managed to read till HERE lemme give you a kiss. MUaCkkKKxZ**

hurhur. i bet you skipped the last part, intentionally or not.

-crashesinside.

you made me yet
you broke me.

trying out the picture hosting! 

coughing my lungs out.
cold air triggers my lung's spasms, but the wind out there is not doing me any good.
i wish i could cough my heart out instead.
i'd rather go heartless.

poor jasmine.
though i dont think she deserves to be in the top 3,
the lukewarm response from the audience even though she sang okay was pretty demoralising. the hostility was so obvious, even from the judges. you can see them trying to give half-hearted comments- they themselves want her out, and their comments will definitely sway the people's votes, see.

never has there been a top3 finalist as badly slammed as her.
afterall, it aint her fault. the fault lies with the Americans, so i dont think she deserves so much flak.

imagine yourself being forced onstage after a fluke win, facing a hostile audience and where the only people standing up after your satisfactory performance are your family. there, in that little corner. How can you perform well without the stress and pressure?
you could see the megawatt smile on her face shrink back a few molars.
perhaps the molars were still there, but it was obvious that the watts have dimmed considerably, and you could see the disappointment in her eyes. she's only 17, for goodness' sake. fantasia is only 19 herself!

If an open society like America can do as such, so what about Singapore?
That person may jolly well cause gang fights and racial riots, let alone risk getting beaten up himself. Gah, imagine having to face all the dissing and backstabbing, eyes watching your back whenever you go shopping or even walk down the street to go to the mama shop to buy a copy of newspaper. your image will matter the most. i dont think my skin will live with 24/7 makeup. paranoia man.
The lines better be toll-free too, though i think there's a low chance of the 20cent toll being waived.
I shall stick to being a Singaporean plebeian.

When that torrent of memories suddenly
come flooding and drowning out all else,
and claustrophobia wrenches you by force
due to the reoccurance of a cramp in your heart
you feel numb to all else
so alone- cant move, cant think, cant breathe.
the mood fluctuates, you isolate your thoughts in a shell.
and you take it out on those around you
not giving any reason why.

i shouldnt be doing this to the people who genuinely care for me..
how unfillial i have been.
sorry mom &dad.

jogging
10 of us.
started from maplewoods, rose &jean's place past MGS and Holland Link and back.
gavin accompanying jean behind us.
Rose dor ronald mel bear went on to 6th Ave then to maplewoods.
Could feel my stamina's improvement..
wanted to go on to 6th Ave but my left ankle didnt really allow me to.
There's not much difference in the distance actually
just less up/downhills. gah.
When my legs are better i will finish the run with them man!

been exercising regularly = FAT :D
going to the gym on wednesday.
That makes it 4x a week i will exercise!

What's more, Friday is youth sports
and Saturday is the JUMP (our 17-26 youth group) vs PUNJ (adam road presbyterian church's youth group) bball/captainsball game.
They want basketball, but how to play with so many of us??
captain's ball is the best unisex game alr.
My tummy's gone down alot yay (:

Anyhow, Cookin's Saturday too!! Cant wait!

im now a broke little girl
cheated of my pay
abuses i now hurl
at the people who ruined my day.

once told me seven by the hour
then now "boss says its flat 1k"
blatantly cut off two hundred over
still, never mind leh!

Flat rate then give me full 1k straight!
why cut all the MCs i took
and the OT i did was absent when i was paid
Latecoming cut like siao, what flat, my FOOT!

In the end? a miserable 813.68 bucks
i took the money with a big fake smile
but in my heart i was scolding F---s
you should see that smirk on that stupid cow.

it averages out a measly 5 bucks an hour
if i'd known that i wouldnt work in this stuffy place
where today half the office is sick and sour
where boredom is written all over my face

So now i got to talk to my uncle
i must get my money rightfully back
but not in the office; i dont wanna be a spectacle
those admins people will definitely chew at my neck

"Give her money already not happy,
How much does she want? She so slack!"
ha dont see that they're so crappy
they are definitely not the i-dont-give-a-heck

ohwell office life is no godsend
luckily its crawling with my relatives
if not i have only myself to fend
and i cant be able to fight those thieves

my uncle is the boss and DA big man!
gah so what if he is la,
if im still at the losing end!
What rubbish that's all i can say. Bah,
im now in serious need of money to spend.

note: the F word was to make the poem rhyme. -smiles weakly.

singapore idol
will be one screwed up affair.
Why?

1. Singapore's population is tooooo small for accurate voting.

Imagine a high-profile city harvest person in the competition.
Needless to say, that person will surely win la. See what they could do to ho yeow sun's album sales can already.

2. Everyone knows everyone.

Surely you will agree with me that since our population is so small, somehow we are 'connected' to another person you see on the streets.
Think friendster.

Then imagine this: when you make it past the few rounds, you start to be on tv. That's when the dissing will start. AND. that's when the dirty linen starts to show. Not your underwear sticking out of your super super low-cut Levis, but all the secrets/things you dont want made public about you which somehow some people know. Or happen to know. Leak them, and its happy new year to you!
Your bad grades, your image in school, your run-ins with your principal, your latecomings, your shortcomings, your digging of nose in the bus, your scratching of your ass in the lift, your buttcrack, your big nose, your pimples, your buckteeth, your rebonded hair, your purple shirt, your flat chest, your D-cup, your flat butt, your fat hairy legs, that tiny mole on your face....and the list will never end la.

3. Singaporeans will only vote for their friends.

So what if their friend sings like a toad with a sore throat? they'll still vote for him/her. 'Brudder/sista forever!' Then a really good singer they dont like, they'll diss, bitch, gossip, rumour.

4. 'Immediate Acceptance' is an almost absent phrase in Singaporeans' dictionaries.

Singaporeans are narrow minded and superficial. By the '38' (bitchy) nature of Singaporeans, they SEE who 'buay song' only then that person kenna until cham cham.

This aint some singing competition, its some looks + abit of talent will suffice competition.

'accurate voting' is an oxymoronic term afterall. bah.
who still wants to join? Dont forget to jio me hor.
hurhur.

and this will be the last mention.

to someone.
though you were there with me
i still felt the pain
now here without you, i stand nothing to gain
youre standing right infront of me
yet in your eyes i can see
that im not the one you really love
im just not the hand that will fit your glove

that hearty laughter drives away my fears
that soothing voice whispering into my ears
your touch, your kiss, your embrace
the way your fingers touch my face
is simply a dream come true
but yet after that
nightmares follow through
cos im overshadowed by that darkness
cos im overwhelmed by that sorrow

oh how much i want to be where you are
but inside me the struggle threatens to tear apart
my body and soul; so hard to control
that yearning for you
that foolish, selfish dream to once again come true
this unbearable pain slowly ripping my flesh
my world is slowly brought down with a crash
i cant go forward and i cant go back
the rope around my neck just wont seem to slack

you, so close, yet so far away
me, heart and mind battling every single day
trashing my emotions like never before
nobody else can stop my fall
ever since i saw the light
my heart's never stopped bleeding
counting the number of tears it has cried

but i cant love someone who doesnt love me
yet i cant stop loving you right now
i cant stop thinking of you
i cant (but im trying not to)
i just cant
i just cant live living this lie
anymore..

one
crying alone
is better than two others hurting.

oh life, is this the way you torture me so?
how i wish you would just end.
i hate the sorrow.
i hate this falling.
i hate myself-
damn that weakness.

i have no choice but to
carve this fact
with burning solder
into my flesh.

my fate is sealed.

sometimes

looking at things from a different perspective
looking at people from a different angle
approaching ideas with a different mentality
dealing with situations with a different attitude

makes life so,
so much
easier.

3+km today.
short, but good. (:

extending my distance slowly.

raelo-hmph. at least you've admitted u missed me so i forgive you....abit.lor. heh!
p.s. wat you actually said was, 'anytime oso can see you wat!'

nightmare

last night i had one of my most satanic dreams ever..
i dreamt that i could see demon-possessed people
by their animal-heads, human body.
Then i was to say "In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, leave him!",
and the demons would run out of the bodies
And i will have to fight them.
there were a few times i had to say it so many times and so fast
that i got tongue tied. =|
I was the hero-ine, with a bunch of friends (cant rmb who) helping me.
my dream ended with me fighting a particularly strong demon,
in a form of my secondary school senior weisheng.
it was so real, it was freaky.
Sounds suspiciously like something out of Van Helsing.
Must be that movie's fault!!
i dont dream usually, and when i do
they're either satanic
or freaky.
bah.

Troy opens tomorrowwww!
anyone interested??
Payday is the day afterrrr!!
Yay. Weekend's almost here again.

Jogging later..
not the long route this time, thank God.

beni just got 50 bucks richer.
i <3 class 95!
the cheque's here.
woohoo.

sam's bday pics!
200+ of them, but nah, didnt put all up la.
Too many.

HAPPY 16TH MELISSA MY DEARRRRR!!!!!
hope you loved the
chocolate cupcake
chocolates from royce
chocolate fudge brownie Ben &Jerry's
&
pizza.

hope you loved our song!

we love you too! ((:
-hugs.

Parent's Day Dinner pics

all of us (+ my sis in red beside me + abit of sam's hair and arm)

L-R: me vivien weijia rebecca rose

All of us! (sam fully included this time, pastor wesley top left)

Everybody repeat after me:
Van Helsing ROCKS.

was entertained throughout the whole show...
no draggy scenes, sufficient comic relief,
kept me at the edge of my seat etc.
eyecandy throughout (:
-swoons over hugh jackman.
AND Falcon, duno wat the actor's name is.
Even the Count Dracula looked good somehow,
in his own erm, ugly way?
4 1/2 out of 5 stars!

What happened to the last half?
well, it was the ending.
damn, it was the cliched
'hero rides off into the sunset'.
and the ending couldve been happier.. =
Thought: How can an actor and actress engage in such a passionate moment when they dont have feelings for each other? and they make it seem so real.
ohwell.

My throat's starting to hurt.
shit man.
I dont want a repeat of that illness which left me literally bedridden less than, what, one month ago? ARGH. ):

Qn: When is chocolate not the ladies' best friend??

Ans: When they have it on their white shirt. or skirt. or dress.

like i just did. thank God there's bleach in the office, and my sweater.
The chocolate sauce from my waffle dripped onto a very unsightly position on my ahem-, chest. one glob somemore.
curses!
My white topshop tee is hanging outside in the beautiful glorious sun to dry now.
DRY!!!!!

damn. totally forgot to wish my dad happy birthday yesterday!!
some fillial daughter.

Not like he'll see this, but yeah.
Its the thought that counts eh, though abit late alr heh.

Well, to the person i owe my brains to.. hurhur.
To the person i didnt inherit a single bit of that mathematical flair of his..
To the holder of Masters in Computing Science
To the computer nut of the family
To the man who have been working hard to support his family of 5 for the past 20 years....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

49.
Almost half of a century!
My goodness.
=\

tired

the mama's day dinner was kinda..pathetic.
the portions were so small that we had to go to Newton's
for another round of deserts/supper.
but had fun!
weijia &vivien &weisong's family shared our table
after my dad couldnt find anyone else to occupy the whole table he'd booked.
afterall my mom and their mom are oooold friends.
had fun! Rebecca, rose and jean's family, samuel and us took photos.
i think we were making quite abit of noise at the restaurant haha.
Ps Wesley now owes us ben &jerry's HALF BAKED.
for singing along wit him and the pastoral team.
Chocolate fudge brownie + chocolate chip cookie dough in ONE!!
WAH LAU EH!

Parents driving grandma back to BEDOK now.
too tired to go, tml's work too.
Tml's VAN HELSING too!!!
hurhur.

i dont know.
but im tired..

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY SAMUEL!!

Had fun at the party (:
we all did. and im pooped now.
Thanks alot again sam!
gotta wake up early tml.
cant even sleep till late on Sundays. bah.
damn now i gotta hang the clothes too!!!!
im freaking tired can.
what rubbish.
my pet phrase for now.

Sometimes i wonder if it is good to read people;
to observe their reactions to various situations,
to watch their facial and physical actions
and thus determine their character.
its kind of disappointing to know the flaws
yet good that i can be more careful with what i say around them.
But i cant help feeling abit apprehensive towards the way some eg. joke about others but cant take jokes themselves. Those who are stuck in their own world.
Those insensitive to others etc.

no one's perfect i guess.
not even i.

My spoken english's getting worse.
almost every sentence is peppered with singlish
or some funny sentence structure.
must be that ive been speaking too much to the office people
who speak broken english, so i join them so that they can understand me easier.
hurhur. what rubbish.
mama's day tml. and my dad's bday.
gotta be at church by 8.40am,
handbells performances.
Then lunch wit godma, then town to join the rest celebrating Roy and Ben's bday.
Then dinner at Harbour City Pavillion for mama's day &papa's bday.

My break from work aint really a break i realised.
Only got one thing to say.
What rubbish.!

neck

up to my neck at work now.
why cant a weekday be as busy as a saturday?
arghhh. got a ton of things to file
after i finish these invoice thing.

My itinerary for today was almost up to my neck too:
8-12pm: Work then chiong down to town for...
1-3pm: 50 First Dates wit jamie and daphne then chiong down to CCAB for..
cancelled. with all the rushing, i wont enjoy myself so what's the point ):
3.30-5pm: Swimming then chiong down to Sam's at Thomson rd for..
5.30-??pm: His birthday party.

Argh i will miss the sabo session at Bishan Park!!
boohoohoo.
Ok, took a 3minute breather.
Back to work!!!!!!!!

Apparently

Apparently the Admins dept. doesnt approve of my playing of computer.
so i cant be seen online so much already.
ohwell.
No wonder ive been thrown much work recently.
I need to multi-task la...if not it'll be damn boring.
and i'll finish everything so fast that they'll have nothing for me to do
and i'll be bored to tears. and i'll start using the com.
Bah.
but ive been making mistakes here and there..
how to when my mind is living inadvertently? stoned quite abit too.

YF was short and sweet, learning how to humble ourselves to serve others,
if Jesus the Lao Da and Sinless could do the same.
was really tired...i always am la nowadays.
Almost dozed off during the long prayer. bah.
the snacks provided by my dear emileenlimshuhui's daddy today...
LASAGNE. wah lau, it was damn good!! had 2 portions heh.
Dinner, then went back to church after waiting for dor's bus to come.

small singing session wit the 7girl-een bottles on the wall
and some guys at the roof of the thai church office,
was quite rubbishy la, but there were some laughs and madness.
went crazy, crapping and crapping.
taking -koffbondagekoff- pictures
with nic's hp camera.
as usual.

i guess im feeling lighter now.
much lighter.
yet i dont deny something's missing
but im getting over it.
Im sure you will agree with me, right? (:
cos that's what you want to be happy.
And i want you to be happy.

positively aching

Ran from Dom's place thru Ghim Moh, turned into a small road leading to MGS and then out to KAP, past NgeeAnnPoly and SIM, into Sunset Way and then back. Im dead.
Ok la, i didnt run much actually. Walked for most of the part.. =Couldnt push myself too far since i hadnt been running for eons. And my leg's old injuries act up as usual whenever i run.
Was far, far behind Gavin, Ronald, Leon, Rose and Doreen. FAR.
ARGHh.
That's one reason why i dont really want to run with others, cos i'll start aching up and complaining about my legs, and i'll sound whiny. bah.
But thanks khon-daam for accompanying me throughout! It very well wasnt your normal pace but haha, i enjoyed the chat we had. heh.
Running's more effective on my tummy than swimming! But i still like swimming more. it doesnt make me ache. like my right leg is, and my shoulders.
boo.
Was on a emotional crappy high after the run, guess the run did make me feel good la. Started running 7.30, think i finished the route in 1hr.
Vivien joined us, and dinner was me crapping away the most. as usual.
reached home at around wat, 11pm? Bathed and was knocked out.

Not before my mom started......
"You'd better pray for God to guide you on choosing a boyfriend. 'No unequal yoke' ..blahblahblah..."

yaya. i have no boyfriend, and no boy will ever want someone like me as his girlfriend either so you can set your mind at ease that your little daughter may jolly well end up a nun, but lets not digress.

THEN.

"And also ask for wisdom not to be influenced by the worldly ways like smoking."
WAT?!
My mom's been behaving funnily nowadays. When i went home the day before, she SNIFFED me. At my neck. Then said something about being very sensitive to 'certain smelly odours'.
which i think is bull.
Bullshit, not eau de cow.
Weird. Why does she suddenly suspect that i smoke???
I was already half asleep when she said: "I got something to ask you...(pause) Nevermind, wait i ask already you cant sleep."

???????????????????????????????????????????????

I forced her to spill it, and she asked some lame question, so lame that i cant even remember what it was. She's behaving funny. VERY un-usual-mama-ly.
I imagined that she'd ask me if i smoked.
wat in the blue world is wrong with her???
She's been acting strange lately.
Im rather disturbed by her strangeness.

-shivers.

Benita Is Good For You.
The Beni of your Life.
Make It A Benitatatatatatata Night.

transform yer name into a slogan!

hurhurhur. i like!

ive seriously nothing to blog about recently cos my mind's empty.
been void of thoughts and expression for the past 2 days.
mind's a blank, heart is still unable to accept what ive managed to do.
human emotions..are still the most abstruse of concepts i cant grasp.
wrestle, wrestle.
when is it ever gonna stop?
bet the office people must be wondering why im suddenly so..
subdued. and with a disturbed aura around me. ahaha. i still can joke.. -smiles weakly- but.
i shall learn to get along.
-heartaches-
*
but anyhow,
shoutouts to domkorkor!
a Big THANKYOU YOU!!!
Cookin' will definitely be something i look forward to,
wit all the percussive beats and all!! YAY!
looking forward to tomorrow's jog too,
gotta run off those pizzas i'd had for the past 2 consecutive days.
havent been jogging for a real long time now.
My stamina's as good as a tortoise after a 10m sprint.
*
I've managed to blog something.
yay, still at the office, waiting for one of my uncles to fetch me &his wife home.
OT payyyy!!!
3110 (and counting) bucks after working.
Apparently I've gotten a pay raise. not divulging anymore. ((:
Eat your heart out, XuanB.!!!!
work less, earned more. hurhur.
I P.W.N YOU MORE!!!!
WahAHAHhaAHAHahAhAhAHaha
stop.

There's a wall somewhere
in between
There's a tear separating
body and soul
There's an absymal hurt
down below
beneath that ever-smilling mein
cometh forth a cabalistic
veil of a broken doll
soundless tears that
large, blue, expressionless
eyes raging love and hate
at each other from
within delibrately wrecking
her into tiny shards piercing the
heart remnants freeze
in what is the verisimilitude of
a ragdoll
left to waste
wishing that someone had
never bought her
heart.
ever.

::copyrightbenitalim-o2o5o4::

leavemeelan

Leave me, in my sweet misery
Cause I'd rather be alone
Than chase you around all the time
Cause you know darlin' and darlin' I know
You should find something better
And do what you want with your life
And tell who you want
That you found light

I think I'll just fade away
Float like a feather
Be deranged like the rain toss
And turn like the weather
I think I'll just fade away
Float like a feather
Be deranged like the rain
Toss and turn like the weather
And maybe I'll take a while
To miss you

So forgive me
I honestly don't mean to be confused
Although I'd like to think I've been a little misused
And so I guess I shouldn't really care if I win or lose
But its good you know
I'll let you be the one to choose
So do what you want with your life and tell who want
That you found light
*

am at Maz's now, wit my gd ol' friends...heh.
not many present, but we're having lotsa fun!
hurhur. we went to coldstorage and bought 2 pizzas and 2 bottles of soft drinks.
and we forgot to take the goods!
all 7 of us.
maz had to go back and fetch shihui and get the stuff.
the pizza's ready!
*
crashes-